IGNITE.

3:51 AM

listening to: the silence

seven fucking papercuts on my two bloody hands.

i'll stick with u.

1:32 AM

listening to: karen mok - shou

wow.
the fever wants me so much that
it clings to me for more than a week.

welcome home pat!
=)

don't take too long. alrite?

1:35 AM

--

离开；人离了心却不开
伤害；竟是你走到门外
心霾；深夜里那份期待
等待；等变成一种无奈
回来；看不到你已不在
泪海；记忆中寂寞徘徊
失败；没办法不再去猜
明白；他们俩才是现在
未来；消失了换来悲哀
恋爱；原来是残酷淘汰

--walk away

1:12 AM

listening to: heather headley - i wish i wasn't

dread work.
whine like an auntie..
whine whine whine whine..

mum's deserting me for genting highlands.
great.
what's with the 'can't be left alone'..
see who wants to come stay with me then all come lah.
i'm the lonely fucking zombie here.
join the club.

a month of traumatizing breakup for me.
happy first month for both of you.

1:50 AM

listening to: queen - bohemian rhapsody

hmm.. fever fever fever..
doc said might be coz of my head injury earlier.
gave me a jab and 6 diff kinds of med.
as if my original pile wasn't enough.
phew.
thks to wm and su for the help in compiling
my portfolio..
i would have been dead.

almost froze to death at work today..
but the aunties are so sweet..
kept checking on me every 1/2 hr
and making sure i drink enough water.
like a baby ain't i?

thx for the sms.
u made my day.

12:33 AM

listening to: nickel creek - darkest hour

hmm..
acne koh wei ming painted my nails blue.
stained my nails. how glam.
my weekends gone just like tt.
sad.
left 5 days to my entry interview.
my art pieces are not done.
great.
i can't rmb recent events...
can't rmb conversations.
can't rmb what i'm supposed to do.
wonderful.
the cut on my head healed i think.
dried bits of blood on my pillow eew..
not puking anymore.
should be fine.
decided to give graduation ceremony a miss.
i dun have the guts to face him.
to even look at him.

i've stopped my msging.
i stopped it like u asked me to.
but the hurt inside doesn't seem to stop.

the only thing i remember.

11:04 PM

listening to: sammi cheng - mak kai

well well well.
the hopeless is going to work tml.
fuck shit..
830am to 530pm.
9 hours of shit.
my insomnia isn't cured yet.

wonderful..ha
imagine:
mom: is my daughter alrite over there?
colleagues: is she on drugs?
hwaey~

missing u.
missing my ciggs too.

2:25 AM

listening to: jj & jin sha - bei feng chui guo de xia tian

how to describe my feelings?
totally thankful.
thankful tt i still have all of u.

to the hpys:
really appreciate it loads..
i can't do without each and everyone of u.
love all.

to fio:
you r the sweetest thing that can happen to me
in my entire life.
love u.

if the world can only contain friendship,
how wonderful can tt be?

that's really 'BIG MONEY'.

fio darl... ;P hearts.

thx pheng, hugggs.

thank u.
are u still there?

12:47 AM

listening to: tank -wo men xiao shi hou

has been doing nth.
not drawing when im supposed to draw.
not sleeping when im supposed to sleep.
not sending in my application when im supposed to send.
what the hell am i doing..
my memory fails me nowadays.
fucked up.

where are u?
my thoughts of us were misunderstood
I hope you are happy now.

2:09 AM

listening to: tong en - ben lai

your cuppa tea?

suffering from
borderline personality disorder.
ha.

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你不再疼爱我以后

本来不觉得你特别疼我
直到你放弃爱我以后

来不及了
对不起长大太慢
害你遗失了我

抱歉让你白费了这么多

deceiving myself.

1:39 AM

listening to: fort minor - where'd you go

why are art materials so fuckin' expensive?
i think town is my 2nd home.
hpys should know y..
very much a 2nd home for all of u too.
insomnia.
bad diet.
pale dull skin.
chapped lips.
lifeless eyes.
hunchback of notre dame.

fatigue.

Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone

Why do i still make it a point to run when i know i'm in the wrong direction?

11:26 PM

listening to: nancy sinatra - bang, bang

i turned mad yesterday.

not much to blog abt thou'
look at tt pretty girl below..

hway..

what am i thinking?
what are u thinking?

2:52 AM

listening to: 深白色2人组 - 那个人

went to town.
bought my A2 drawing block, charcoal sticks,
kneaded eraser, fixative and sharpeners.
fuckin expensive.
din even get to buy paint.

not a great day.
walked around alone.
the feeling wasn't nice at all.
even my moo moo lighter fails me.
then i remembered...
"if u like to be alone so much, then be alone forever."
ouch.
well, i think it's dangerous being alone.

当所有的不确定的摧毁了信任
我的世界崩溃成无法停止流失的体温

有太多天真的伤痕
让我们成了脆弱的灵魂
无法任性地相信会走到永恒
已经失去了颜色我想要更绝对的可能
告诉我你是那个人
能让我的生命完整不再悔恨
争吵的时候才胜任
风雨后我不会是一个人

i'm helpless.
there's nth i can do but pray.

do u believe in magic?
or do u believe in us?

2:57 AM

fuck...
slammed my hand against the edge of the table
by accident.
the vein in my hand feels twisted..
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

but still. it's just the dumb left hand.
consoling myself.

2:34 AM

listening to: wilco - how to fight lonliness

rot rot rot rot
tony parsons book.
man & wife.
not bad ah thx fio for lending it to me.
otherwise i wun be able to sleep at nite.

struggling to fall aslp.
slept finally.
woke up like 3 hrs later.
stone.
read.
bathe.
rot with hpys.
eat.
drink.
smoke.
smoke.
smoke.
smoke.
smoke.
smoke.
go home.
bathe.
msn.
blog.
look at pics.
look at pics.
look at pics.
struggle to slp again.

it's not just a bruise, its a rather deep cut.